Goodbye Daddy

Dear Moon,

Well, now I think I’ll be talking with my Dad now too Moon so don’t be jealous.  My Daddy passed away on May 16th, 2013 at the age of 84.  I kept hoping that I’d be able to see him one last time before he passed, but I didn’t. Just seemed to be one thing after the other so now I’m left with guilt and regret and it’s a hard pill to swallow.

I miss my Dad already! When I would feel blue I’d use this journal and if it was during the day I’d call my DAD! He was a unique personality, and he did seem to be able to turn me around to the bright side if I was feeling down or complaining about something. On the flip side, I am grateful that he has passed in a way. He had renal failure and was going in for dialysis 3 times a week.

I already miss hearing his voice!  I wish I had saved a message that he left so I could just replay it from time to time. “Hi Sharolyn, this is your Dad”.  I just really can’t get my head around the fact that he’s gone.  I keep thinking I’m going to wake up and this will all have been a serious “wake up” call that I have to get down and see Dad now, no matter what.

I’d had this ideal adventure of FINALLY getting the money together and going down with the family on vacation and seeing Mom and Dad. Now here it is almost a week now since I got to see Mom and said goodbye to Dad and I just feel down. I did get to see my siblings which was a ton of fun and I got to spend time with Patrick just he and I. First time in like 19 years I think that we’ve spent any time away from the kids.

So, now I’m not sure what to look forward to. I just really hope I’m not heading into the stupid pit of depression. It’s an annoying place since you don’t really know when you’ve arrived, just when you realize that your days have begun to ALL look the same for WAY too long and that’s when I know it’s time to start digging my way back out. I am pretty sure Lesa, Patrick and the kids are on the “look out” for me taking a detour there which is comforting.

912562_533869940010953_2032229061_nI just looked over to see “Elmer Fudd” hanging on the wall  and thought my Dad will still be able to make me smile I just have to look at this funny guy. Dad broke his finger probably 25+yrs ago and he had to go through rehab to get it working properly again and this is what he made. He was really proud of it and it always makes me smile!  I need to take a better photo of it, but you get the gist of it.

Well, I cried some more and feel a little better. I guess it’s important for me to realize that grieving isn’t “depression” and to stop worrying that that is where I’m heading. I know what I need to be doing to not end up in that place so I’ll just work at it.

Also, I got some kind of bug while we were traveling last week which could be contributing to the run down icky feeling. I got a sore throat and I’m really tired. Anyway, I better get some sleep.

 

Goodnight Moon,

I love you Daddy…

Me

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