Procrastination (I hope I spelled that right!)

Dear Moon,

Well, I am a serious procrastinator and I guess I always agreed with those around me that just said I was laZy (get that capital Z in there…Haha) Anyway, I got this book called “The Now Habit” and it has been eye opening.  One of the reasons it gives for people procrastinating is to “Stick it to the Man!” so to speak.  I was reading about how it can be something people do out of extreme resentment or feeling like they have no control over their life.  

Well, a little while ago I was on Pinterest and it sort of all hit me when I saw this photo.
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I was sitting here almost 4am!! Again!! Still NOT in bed where I “Should” be. The caption on this photo was basically that the little girl didn’t want her daddy to go and no one had the heart to pull her away from him. I just started crying!! My HEART is breaking because I watched my children’s heart break EVERY TIME Patrick left for a deployment for 6mos, 9mos (When they told us it would only be 1mos!!) or heck the 3wks out every other week or one month out every 3 wks all the dang times he had to leave for Sea trials etc… even before they left for 6 F***ING MONTHS!!! He’s been retired from the navy since 2006!!!!  I should be OVER ALL THIS CRAP shouldn’t I???? How can I be sitting her bawling and ANGRY!!!  I feel so PISSED OFF right now!!!  I COULD NOT DO ANYTHING TO BRING BACK THE ONE THING that would make my children happy in this world!!! I know that Patrick had a job to do, but it was some kind of torture to watch the kids go through that pain over and over again. I know I wasn’t the best sailors wife as far as coping well with the downside, but I did do my best. I guess I never realized how angry I was about it until now.  Maybe I was a better sailors wife than I thought? I kept it all packed down deep inside. Not a good coping technique!! 

Well, I feel better now a little getting it out though. 

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