Now i’ve gone off and done it… *Bites her fingernails*

Thank you for sending your E-Mail to Congressman Norm Dicks

The following information was received by our office.
Name: Mrs. Sharolyn Buck

Your message: Dear Rep. Norm Dicks, I am not sure if I should be writing to you, but here I am. I was wondering if there could be someway to address the rights of Military wives spouses. The ones that are stuck because they love their husband. I love my husband and have been supporting him for 13+ years as he has had his career in the US Navy. That is ALOT of ups and downs, and I just was wanting to maybe give a different perspective on this option of “Well, if you don’t like it than get out” attitude that goes with being part of the military. My husband is torn between his duty to his country and career and his duty as husband and father. There has been many articles that show this dilema and fact, but not many if any that show the dilema of the wife/spouse. What choice do we have? We can either support or divorce? The problem is with this support goes being alone MUCH of the time. Going without the love of your life and the father of your children. It sure would have been nice if someone pulls the spouse to be aside and asks before they marry into this military “prison” if they really know what they are getting themselves into and will they want to do it anyway. Maybe I would have said yes I will marry my husband even though it means marrying the whole military life, but atleast I would have had a choice of knowing. It would be even better to have an option later where it could be both the husband and wife who would have to decide if the husband would go for Sea Duty again, not just the husband that way if they needed to get things in order before the deployment there would be time, like marriage counseling or whatever, heck a vacation. I NEVER imagined I would have gone through all I’ve gone through and still have no way out. I for one wouldn’t have had children to put them through the constant uncertainty and disappointment that goes with being a spouse to a military member, all though my children are the only thing that get me out of bed every morning. I guess what i’m saying is, when is it EVER possible for the wife to say. Help me i’m drowning here! I’ve had enough I want off this Boat! I want a life where there is some routine and ability to plan one day to the next. Even when he was on shore duty we couldn’t even schedule marriage counseling. He couldn’t be sure he’d be off for medical appointments, because of Duty days and “safety meetings” (which he’d been to several times before I might add). I know there is the Ombudmand etc, I could go to a doctor and get medicine, but what I need is my husband. I need a routine, not all this up and down and in and out all the time. I’ve been told that if I go to the Naval Hospital and talk to a doctor there they will give me medication and counseling and maybe they will make it so that my husband can take a more active role in his Husband and Father duties over his constant unwavering role as Military member. Do I have any right to the freedom of other wives to have thier spouse home? To share thier life and home with them. Is there any freedom in not ever being able to plan anything. I don’t even know for sure if my husband will be home the second weekend in July so that we could take a vacation for his birthday. I understand that many people don’t have that option, but they still don’t have as many things standing in their way as a military member. Will he be out to Sea, will he have a duty day, will they allow him to take leave, or will it be close to a deployment and not allow him to leave the ship. Hmm … Just doesn’t ever end. I don’t remember the last time we went on a vacation. Since April 2002 to present I have spent 8mos TOTAL with my husband and that is not consecutive months. My children have had to go all that time without their father. I know, I know I should be thankful he comes home at all when so many men go off and don’t come home. Right??? When do military wives have the right to say ENOUGH is enough. Where they won’t have to be punished by the resentment of their husbands, or the fact that they just weren’t “Strong enough”. Why do I have to suffer because my husband is sooo close to retirement FINALLY. Why do I have to suffer because I love a man who wants to finish out his career. Why does he have to CHOOSE between the military and his family. Please could you answer me that. Why does a man or woman have to choose between the military and their family? Why does a woman when she has had enough only have the choice of divorcing her husband, getting a ‘lover’, or death (which isn’t really a choice since she dies a little everytime he has to go away, every time she has to take kids to the ER alone, every time she has to deal with crisis after crisis alone. After 13 yrs I want him to be out. I want him to be done, but he can’t. He is only 2+ years from retirement. I am such a baby to have gone 13yrs and now be whining about the last 2+? But it’s because I know what it is all about now. I know what it is like. Ignorance is bliss, but I’m not anymore (although my spelling seems to show i’m not to bright) but, I am dieing inside. I can’t sleep at night, I can’t look forward to anything, when he was on shore duty I couldn’t even go to school or get a job because I would always have to have a back up babysitter to take the kids on his duty day that was NEVER The same day each week. What about the military spouse? If a military member can’t “Handle the stress” anymore what do they do for him/her? What about the spouses when we can’t handle the stress anymore? I know there is the Ombudsmand etc, but the problem is I want my husband, my love, my friend, my lover, my companion, my team mate, my shoulder to cry on, BACK!! I want my children’s father, confidante, playmate, hero BACK!!! I don’t want to have to be alone anymore. I want to be able to plan next week, next month, next year!!! Please if you can help me. Sincerely, Sharolyn

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